Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
