he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
