I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
