clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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