i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
