omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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