Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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