Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
