My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
