I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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