I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
