I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
