Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
