In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
