he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
