So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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