the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
