Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
