You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
