Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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