Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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