the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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