Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
