Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
