Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Who died my cat blue again?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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