I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
