we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
