we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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