dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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