I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
