Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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