I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
