The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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