so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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