I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize