You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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