I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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