There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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