hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
