I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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