we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
