The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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