I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
