The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
