She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
