i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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