1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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