Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
