East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
