the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish I only lived at night.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
