I love black thongs
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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