You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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