You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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