just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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