ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
