you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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