my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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