she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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