i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
