oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
