it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
