I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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