there's paper in my vomit.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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