just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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