the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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