...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
