A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
