i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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