I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
